Eh

I've lost about 5 or 6 pounds.  I do ok during work.  I take my broccoli and cauliflower for snacks.  I drink my one pepsi.  I have my coffee in the morning.  Then get I get home, and fall off the damn wagon.  I am not feeling good, so I eat.  And I eat crap.  So it makes me not feel good.  I went two days without pooping.  And when I did, it was a healthy (for me) poop.  That was eating healthy.  If I eat crap, I go back to having to run, with butt cheeks clenched, to the bathroom.  Because I ate crap.  I ate bread.  So I go to work the next day, and I eat healthy again.  But I get home, and shit hits the fan, no one is happy, I have a head ache, and so I eat crap.  Then I'll have to crap that crap out.  Go back to work and eat healthy.  You know what my lunch was today?  Cottage cheese, an apple, and chicken breast.  I got my "good carbs" from the cauliflower I had for snack.  Breakfast was some grapes.  I mean, really, I ate well, and felt full.  Hell, when we had a going away party at work, I filled my plate with all the yummy pot-luck goodness like I normally do, and it literally sat on the plate until well into the afternoon.  I was just too full to eat much.  But this binge eating at home because shit sucks, or I'm tired, or I'm cranky, or the kids pissed me off, or I have a headache, needs to STOP.  It just needs to stop.

Trying again

I'm not going to go crazy trying to go Primal. I failed last time, miserably.  So, I'm going slow.  Going to start with doing my best to go gluten free.  That's what I need the most.  I'm still eating rice, and even bought some rice crackers for a snack.  I am eating better, and trying to stay away from the junk.  I've done well enough that when we had the potluck at work, I was full before I even ate 1/4 of the food on the plate.  It took me nearly all day to munch on the little bit I took.  I did eat potato salad, but it was still no gluten.  I still have my one Pepsi a day, but I don't mind.  Baby steps this time.  I don't know that I'll ever be Grok.  I enjoy my sweet way too much.

The Medical Hits

So, my appt with the GI doc in Anchorage went well.  I got to visit with a good friend of mine from Ft Lewis, I got to shop (I ended up with TWO suitcases and a small carry-on bag of Christmas gifts for the kids... Aside from stocking stuffers, I'm DONE for my family! WOOT)

Anyway, I was chastised because I have not had my liver enzymes checked in several months.  He needs them ever 3 along with a CBC.  He was no concerned that my PCM found my bilirubin was high.  He seems to think that it's very common in white folk to have Gilbert's syndrome, and even he has the issue once in a while.  I go back in 6 months to get a scope done.  I doubt it will happen because he is in Anchorage.  He is a military doctor, and he is in a military hospital.  My husband will most likely be out of the military then.  But at least I can get notes and start with another doc... hopefully here in Fairbanks.

I had to go see my PCM today because she wanted to discuss my B-12.  So, because I have Crohn's, I don't absorb vitamins well.  And I have a B-12 deficiency.  I "get" to start next week on B-12 injections for a week, and while she's not sure of the next step, she did say that I will be having a B-12 injection once a month for.... ever.  Nice.  And since my B-12 was low, it *could have raised my bilirubin as well.

So, while my good Grok friend told me to not add a bunch of grain-ridden stuff to replace the gluten I'm trying to quit (and believe me when I say I have NOT done well this month), I did the opposite.  I got gluten free pancake mix.  I think I can use that to make some gravy when I do the roast this weekend.  I bought some rice cakes for a snack because I'm a fatty and like to stuff my face.  And I got Kix cereal.  I found that even CHEERIOS has wheat, so I read the label on the Kix twice.  Cereal is ingrained in my brain from growing up.  It takes time to re-learn how to eat.

Apparently there is only one way to truly say if someone has Celiac's disease.  The blood test helps because if you have the markers, you most likely have it, but even if you don't have the markers in your blood, you can still have it and they determine this by doing an upper GI scope and taking a biopsy.  I have not had the biopsy done, so he can't label me with Celiacs because my blood work was good.  However, given my past with my attempt at grain free, he believes I may have, if not Celiac's, at least a sensitivity to it.  He just wanted to know if I was going to continue because patients like me who play with diet can help other Crohn's patients in the long run.  Of course, I'd like to see the Federal Gov't get their heads out of the sand and realize that grains, especially wheat, are bad mojo for folks.

I start a new job (YAY!) next week, when the background check comes back clear.  Um, I haven't even had a speeding ticket, and have been pulled over only twice.  So that's a no-brainer.  I'm hoping that since I will be packing my own lunch and at a desk WORKING, I won't be stuffing my face out of boredom.  I can also pack a healthy lunch.  Meats, eggs, salads, fruits, carrots.  I'm looking forward to a lunch meat "sandwich" with Romaine lettuce as the "bread".

I know this is long, but just another thought.  PCM today said she lost 10 lbs by cutting out the Pepsi Throwback and drinking Pepsi Max.  While I respect that she lost 10 lbs, and if I cut out the Throwbacks, I'm sure I'd lose weight, too, I refuse to drink the aspartame-filled junk that comes in the form of "diet" pop.  So, I'll keep drinking my Throwbacks and adjust my caloric intake accordingly.  Most likely by eating more meat.

Struggling

Did you know that trying to go gluten free is damn near impossible when you like foods that aren't good for human consumption?  I have the hardest time finding things I like.

I'm still trying to go grain free, yes, but I thought going off gluten to start would be best.  So I've tried to cut out all I could.  I did stop eating morning "candy" (AKA, cereal).  The reason being is that even Cheerios (supposed to be oats) has wheat flour.  I've tried to stay away from breads as a whole.  But, I did have some cake at birthday boy 1's party yesterday, and today birthday boy 2 had cheese cake.  I could have eaten just the cheesy portion but I figured I had cake yesterday so a few graham crackers (yup, wheat in them) isn't going to kill me.  I'll have to start over, again, tomorrow.

I'm a bit disillusioned at our foods in our country.  High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS) in light yogurt (or even corn starch in some weird Greek yogurt my kids had today).  HFCS in marshmallows.  Wheat or some form of it in nearly everything.  Even fruit snacks have HFCS.  Corn fed cows are FAT cows, and I don't want the FAT.

So, I'm trying.  I've never been much of a foodie.  I like pasta, I like pizza, but these things are made with grain.  And as I sit here typing, my gut is crying at me again.  I give it another 5 minutes and I'll be on the potty again, for the 4th time in the last hour.

I'm not going to lie, though.  When I go to Anchorage this month to see my doctor, I'm going to be stopping at Arby's.  It's kind of counter productive, but I just love me some of that roast beef and cheddar.  Maybe I can eat it without a bun.  Though I'd have to do that in the terminal of the airport because it's kind of messy otherwise.

So, anyway.  There it is.  In black and white.  I know what I need to do.  But getting there on a ramen noodle budget is hard.  It burns me that a bag of chips is cheaper than a bag of apples.  Or that a bag of candy is cheaper than a bag of grapes.  Processed crap is cheaper than buying fresh.  It bugs me.  And the US needs to stop.  Otherwise our children are going to grow up fat with a plethora of gut problems.

End rant.

Baby steps

I have decided that the best way for me to fail is to completely go off grains and go Primal again.  Grains are addictive, and my body craves them.  You wouldn't tell a smoker to go cold turkey.  Well, you might, but then they're dealing with the cravings.

So, I'm going to start with wheat.  I think it's probably the biggest factor in my issues, so it would be best to cut out the biggest culprit.  Corn will come after.  I already stay away as much as possible from HFCS, so that's a big help.  I'll try the oatmeal we have for breakfast, though I'm sure I won't eat it, it will go in the garbage and I'll make myself a cheese omelet.  I should probably just skip the oatmeal altogether because I just have never liked it. 

I do like rice, though.  But I don't seem to have issues with rice as much as I do with wheat.  So maybe I'll just make a rice pudding for the breakfasts when I'm tired of eggs.

But, instead of delving into it, I'm taking baby steps.  Better to start slow than try to go at a marathon pace.

Let's talk poop.

No really.  I'm going to talk poop.  No, I'm not going to say what shade it was, or what was floating in the toilet.  But I am going to talk about my bowels and what happens when I eat what I shouldn't be eating.

I have Crohn's disease.  For those of you who don't know what it is, it's an inflammatory condition of the bowels.  It can be anywhere in your digestive tract (seriously, from your mouth to your anus).  Mine presents in the terminal ilium.  When your food digests, your small intestine liquifies the food.  As it passes through the ilium and into the colon (the large intestine), the moisture is then taken out and you get solidified waste.  Since my ilium is inflamed I don't get solid poo.

I was diagnosed with this about 3 months after I had Robert.  It will be 10 years in October since my diagnosis.  I have been on medley after medley of different inflammatory medicines as well as steroids to get my bowels under control.  My current cocktail is helping, but I still go often.  Sometimes 4 or 5 times a day, depending on the time of month.

There is no cure for Crohn's Disease.  Even if I were to have the inflamed part of my bowel removed, the disease would go into remission, but no one knows for how long.  And it always comes back.  Eventually I could end up on a colostomy bag.  Who wants to carry around poo on the outside?  YUCK!

Last winter I started eating Primal.  That combined with my current cocktail of medicine worked well.  I was down to one or two bowel movements, and solid ones at that, a day.  I haven't had a solid BM in 10 years!!!!

I fell off the wagon, though.  I was feeling so well.  I was down in weight.  But then things got hectic.  We decided to buy a house.  Papa Korg is still having issues with the military.  And I had a sugar cookie from Walmart.  You know the kind.  The big, fluffy ones with frosting?  And then I had more sugar cookies.  And more.  Soon I was eating a whole container to myself.  Two or three times a week.  But my weight was ok, so that's fine, right?   Wrong.  It started taking it's toll in a slow manner; so slow that I didn't notice at first. 

Summer came and popsicles came out.  Banana, cherry, grape, orange.  Yummy goodness.  Made with corn syrup.  Fast forward and I gained back all that I lost... the year before I started eating Primal, and the month in which I was eating.  50 pounds have come back.  And my Crohn's has too.

I've been doing OK Crohn's wise.  After all, I have a good cocktail of meds.  But, once a month, Mother Nature hits and my bowels mess up.  My gut starts to hurt.  I've been eating white bread lately.  Many people gasp at the white bread, but I tried eating whole wheat yesterday and found that I'm more tore up today than if I had white bread.  White bread is processed more than wheat, which is why I think I can handle it better.  Whole wheat just bounces around in your system.  It's going to take a week, at least, to get things back under control.  I know better.  I should do better.

Why am I preaching to something I am not doing?  Well, I'm no expert, that's for sure.  But I am an expert when it comes to my bowel functions.  And I can tell you, from a Crohn's Disease patient, eating Primal helps.  I won't tell anyone it's a miracle cure.  But I can tell you my anecdotal evidence is there.  I had formed poop, only one time a day, when I was eating Primal.  That's all I've wanted in the last 10 years.  Not having to worry about going to a store and having to find out where the nearest bathroom is.  Or knowing that your gut is tore up, so instead you skip the store altogether because you know you'll have to sit on the pot.  There's nothing I hate more than public restrooms.  Not because they are dirty, but because it's embarrassing to me to have others smell my smell, or hear me pass gas.  

So, this is it.  I'm going to start over.  I'm going to start eating Primal again, very soon.  I cannot promise when.  The 15th or the 1st of October, but it has to be soon.  My gut cannot take much more abuse than it already has.

So, read up on Mark's Daily Apple (I believe the link is on my blog).  Find out why wheat, and grains in particular are so bad.  Take the 30 day challenge yourself. 

Or, if you're in the Fairbanks area, join my good friends and I on a Primal Picnic.  Hear their stories, too.  And see if maybe giving up grains is in your future as well!

Should re-name this

I should rename my blog to fatty Korg.  Cheap foods are Korg foods.  I've gained... way too many pounds.  My Wii-Mii will probably balloon up if I step on my fit board.

I feel like Bridget Jones, only I haven't lost any weight from coitus.  LOL  I know it's excuses, and I know I can get stuff at the store, but until next summer, I may have to wait to journey may way to Grok'ing again.  I hopefully will grow a good garden so I can grow my own plants.  Hopefully.  Until then, I'm going to have to TRY my best to lose weight with what I've got.  Which, at the moment, isn't much.  Oh well.  Two house payments (well a house payment and rent) makes for a short paycheck.  At least the kids are fed.  And fed well.  I'll worry about myself later.